If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
