You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
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