It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Randomize
