They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
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