Confirm your location. A cross street is best, but if google mapping yourself is your least-shameful option go for it. ps- going through his mail for an actual address is always an option.
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
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