Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
