I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Randomize
