What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Randomize
