the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
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