i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
Randomize
