Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
