there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Randomize
