should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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