It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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