I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
Randomize
