i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
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