grandma shit on top of the toilet
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
Randomize
