am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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