Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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