At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
