did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
