Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
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