i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
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