you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
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