Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
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