He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
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