you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
The dick lei will go down in squad history
Randomize
