If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Randomize
