you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
Randomize
