I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
