Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
