i just wanna soil my oats bro
Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
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