Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Randomize
