based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
Randomize
