they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
