i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
We were destined to go to rehab together
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
