You can't special order awesome
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
false alarm. still invincible.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
