She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
