I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
Randomize
