as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
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