Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Randomize
