Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
