So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
