What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
Randomize
