Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
Girls should come with a carfax report
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
