You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Randomize
