Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
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