Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
You pole danced in your parka.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Randomize
