I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
Randomize
