I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
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