So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Randomize
