A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
