Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Randomize
