ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
