I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
Randomize
