im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
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